coin

Opportunity cost.

In economics, it is this cost na you forego something to take in that one thing. Syempre pa, it requires thorough decision making, it requires cause and effect and pros and cons charts.

Let’s take for example when I decide to go home.

GO HOME STAY
Broke         Richer by a penny
Jobless         Sustainable job
With Family Solo but w/ A
Fiestas         Dora explorations
Home based Have time & resources

Ang hirap magdecide diba? Depende sa anggulo. Every decision is a make or break, but whether we choose one and fail, it’s not the end of the world. I earnestly believe that life is a trial and error; we can’t come out unscathed because everyday is a struggle.

Sometimes, we may never know the value of failure because we dwell on the fame and pride of being victorious, but we must remember that failure just gives us a space for improvement. We fully understand how human we are because we fail and we are reminded to bow down to our creator.

Surely, hindi madali gumawa ng aksyon sa mga bagay bagay na napili, but it shouldn’t hinder us to grow. I learned that in order to succeed, we need to tolerate failures din, kasi we will never test our capacity to its fullest kung hindi tayo nagkakamali. Parang kotse lang yan, di mo malalaman yung safety features hanggat hindi mo ibabangga.

Anyway, whatever my decision will be, it is all for God’s glory. I always remind people asking for my opinion about their decisions, “ask yourself: Will decision #1 make God happy? How about decision #2?” If yes to all, then discern, know what’s in your heart, dyan na pumapasok yung weighing of things, purpose, goal etc. If di pa talaga, hala i- TOSS COIN na yan!

charo

Dear Charo,

Nais ko pong ilathala ang isang tao sa buhay ko na gusto at ayaw ko sa parehong sirkumstansya…

* * *
Walang hiya ka!

Why do you always occupy my mind? I tried thinking about my travels and it give me this delicious feeling and then suddenly I think of you, I get even more ecstatic. What have you done to me?

Sorry to burst your bubble, you are not my type.

As in the looks, I don’t have a penchant for Moreno guys. I like my man, tisoy, or something of that sort. Ikaw, pinoy na pinoy, paano na ang cuteness ng mga magiging anak ko?

Sa mindset, I perceive you as someone na happy-go-lucky, bakit ganun? Parang feeling ko you are still on game mode? Pwede ba, Wag ako yung subject mo this time? Tantanan mo na ako sa games mo, Otherwise, masasaktan lang talaga ako, sure hit.

Di naman talaga ako selosa, jealousy especially when the real score is a thin line of friendship, is a sign of insecurity, pero I am just curious, bakit ba ang dami mong inaadd sa Facebook? Do you enjoy attention that much na kahit di kakilala can see half of you life through your profile? Just saying.

Disturbing din ang pagiging manly mo. What do you know about carpentry? Pagsisibak ng kahoy? Or even ordinary fixing of simple machines? Wala? Ah kasi you’re born with a silver spoon, which I find really awkward.

Then you seem very comfortable in asking me too intimate questions. I wonder, do I look that bastusin? I don’t feel insulted, I am a consenting adult, but I wonder why deep under you have the guts to ask me those. Perversion?

Sa career, I don’t like guys who are in medical industry, ang hirap makipagkumpetensya sa mga pasyente who need you. Walang time.

What I find attractive in you is that you are older than I am. Sana mas matured ka sa pag iisip, as your age would suggest. Otherwise, useless yung liking ko for a much older guy.

So diba, ang dami dami kong reasons not to like you but then again, my heart is as stubborn as my head. Bakit ikaw pa?

* * *
Tita Charo, ano ba ito? Tama po bang malunod ako sa damdaming ito? Or mas nakakabuting lumukso na lamang sa bangkang aking kinaroroonan?



Lubos na gumagalang,

scissors

Security…

We are all aiming to achieve that one word. We are all struggling to have that.

Just yesterday, I received an alarming SMS from my dear sissy. She said “Gurl, call me, nahospital si mama”. Imagine my panic when I read that. If I grabbed a cup of coffee, then the coffee would go directly down the floor.

So I managed to sneak out for privacy and call her mobile number. I asked quite continuously, “what happened?” “why?” “how come?” “how is she?” “what’s the result?” and my sissy just told me, I’m gonna drive by this afternoon at 4pm, I’ll let you know.

My god! I can’t take messages like that. My mind is so powerful; it runs a mile even before knowing what actually happened. As I was unsatisfied of what I heard from my sissy, I called Pop. I was relieved, he said, Mum’s okay, it’s just that they want to have it checked by the doctor, the fever and chills are on and off mode. They’re preventing dengue, if ever. And I pray it isn’t. I still have to get updates.

Which brings me to my point: I cannot go on like this. Whenever I hear something like this, I feel paralyzed as if my mind is left back home. I cannot function normally. I think I really am not made to be abroad, going solo with my family left behind.

Then I realized I regret that I did not get a health insurance way back when I was still in my former job. I regret that I did not invest my money in stuffs like that. I regret that I haven’t got a lifetime souvenir and chose material, depreciating things instead.

I am opened to a reality. And I am getting insane thinking about what to do whenever something happens to my parents (God forbid) and they don’t have health insurance. I know I am time and again, over thinking. But what if?

So now, I am reconsidering. I will be coming home. I pray to find a job as good or better as the previous (benefit-wise). I need a job that’s stable enough to support me and those that I am supporting, and yes, for my minor and major travels (^^)

Plus, having two children, does not entice me anymore. I realized though it’s so much fun,(because my sissy and I are like scissors, we can hurt each other, we can cut, break, tear but we can artistically bring out the best in each other, and help create something out from the plain piece of paper but we cannot function without each other), but the burden about the whole issue is equally divided just between us two. I now prefer to have at least four children. Four children who are as close as US.

More importantly, I realized the value of savings and investing wisely. Although I have this gravitational pull towards gadgets, thou shall resist. I am gearing towards a more sustainable future. It’s difficult. Obligations are always difficult, but in the long run, I know it will be beneficial.

own time

Bakit bas a tuwing may umaalis, napi feel ko ding sumama?

May mga taong minsan mo lang nakita, saglit na napakilala and yet, parang sobrang close na kayo, as if you’ve known them forever.

The memories are rushing like a river, yung fun at bonding, andun. It seems like itinadhana kayong magkaibigan. Nakakahappy lang isipin na someone can touch you the way you never imagined. Kasi minsan, those people na isang tingin mo pa lang na di mo masasakyan, e yun pala yung mga taong, swak na swak sa personalidad mo.

The truth is, I don’t wanna be attached with someone kasi nahi hurt ako tuwing umaalis at naiiwan ako. Not that I am not used with rejection, pero iba yung feeling pag nakabuo ng bond and then, breaks apart because of distance.

The reason why I don’t like long distance relationships is because I am a demanding friend/ gf. Ayoko yung walang effort. I dislike passive relationships, mas feel ko yung active, growing and vibrant relationships na anjan kayo para sa isa’t isa.

I guess that’s the reason why I think being abroad doesn’t suit me well. I am very family- oriented. I just can’t remain careless about my oldies kahit nasa ibang bansa ako. I want to be involved. I want to be an active part of the family, not missing in action.

Time and again, the challenge for survival cracks me up. Yung kahit iwan ka man ng mga tao sa paligid mo, you can remain calm and composed. You can remain as a stand alone personality. Kasi naman, sometimes, when you feel so solid and probably built the fence around you, naiintrude ito, so when the intruder leaves you, yung foundation ng fence, nagiging marupok, eventually, it breaks apart. Same thing, magsisimula na naman ulit.

Mahirap. Mahirap iaccept ang mga bagay bagay kung minsan. But I don’t want to be the antagonist. If ever man, I don’t want to be the cause of someone’s not being able to chase after his/ her dreams. I believe in autonomy.

Whenever someone decides to go after something, although, it may be painful to let go, I am willing to step back. I am just so willing to encourage anyone to chase their greatest dreams. We are separate from each other, lahat tayo may kanya kanyang goals.

Kahit fiancé ko pa siguro, my idea is to be able to nourish the relationship na di ako yung hindrance sa dreams nya. Which brings me to the point na I might be choosing those who are already matured enough, kasi by then, that someone had already established what he wanted for himself. Di na issue yung pag alis, pagchase etc. kasi na try na nya.

And as for me, I flew in many the miles from home to achieve what I want for myself, so when I come back, I am so sure to stay. Medyo matured na din kahit papaano kasi natry ko na. I will be ready for the next challenge.

But yun nga, bakit ba nasasali na naman yung lovelife? Haha Whatever it is, I will be here. I might feel empty when you’re gone but as long as I know you are happy then I am fine with it.

And although, gusto ko mang sumama pauwi, it’s not yet time.
I have my goal. I have my set of priorities. I have my own time.

let it simmer

Let it simmer.

I always believed that things will come into places when the time is right. Di kelangang ipush ang mga bagay bagay. If it’s for me, kusang dumarating.

I had a talk with my sissy regarding my long-term plans. She mentioned about setting up a business and me, co-managing her. I am fine with the idea. I am thrilled, to say the least. I guess it’s about time for me to start something na machachallenge ko yung sariling kakayahan ko. Do I have what it takes?

But may bruhang side talaga yung sarili ko, I am thinking, it’s too early. Parang my experience is not enough, I lack the proper sales training. My friends tell me na may K ako kahit papano because I have PR, but then again, bakit di ko Makita na meron ako nun? I always miss the chance to talk sales to someone kasi nauunahan ako ng pride.

Weird nga, business is business. I should learn to separate my personal self sa business that I am into, careerwoman. How can I be successful as a businessperson kung palagi kong iniisip yung sasabihin ng iba? Yung nahihiya sa pagbebenta? Surely, I should learn to incline myself on what is more real rather than my idea of the image I project. Mali e. mali yung mindset ko.

Let it simmer. I always tell myself.

Every learning is a process. It takes time. It requires effort. What I need to feel is being challenged. Sa pagkaadventurous ko, being conventional never fails to bore me. When I know something, that’s just it, I’ve known that, wala ng challenge. I need something new. Something that hypes me up.

So this must be it? Right? But I am not ready to let go of my current profession yet. I still don’t know the ins and outs of this business. What I want sana is to know more about this, para kahit papaano, I have brought home added knowledge, In the future, I know better.

So is it time? Or should I let it simmer pa?

sampedro

DEATH.

I always find a way not to talk about it whenever I have a chance. I find it too scary, too sad and too depressing.

I am constantly shocked when I hear someone pass away at a very young age.

I recently read a post of my friend who has a friend who passed away at 24. She had cancer. Imagine? 24?? When life has just begun? When the world has just been giving a new meaning? When we’re all finding our own place in this world?

Seriously, I find it disturbing. I have someone I knew back in college that is suffering from prostate cancer too; the other one is breast cancer… My gosh! How cruel can this world be? Why so young? Why that kind of illness? Why them? Why… why?

It seems frustrating that age doesn’t matter anymore. I cannot speak for them and their sufferings but I can speak for the age bracket that I am in. It scares the hell lot of me honestly.

I told my friend last night, hey, why do I always feel like I will be passing away at a young age? And she said me too. Whaattt?!  Why do we feel this way? Is this normal? Or are we both abnormal?

I am scared because of the people who will be left around. I always feel they’ll find it hard to move on without me. Who does right? We’re just too few in the family. I feel scared of the sorrow I might have caused I feel scared of the people I cease to help out with.  I feel scared because of the things I never said or expressed. I feel I have so many things to say and do, but I haven’t said/ done anything.

And with all the posts I read and hear about batch mates, friends and schoolmates...

It reminds me not to be hurdled by my daily battles at work, in the society and the community as a whole; it makes me realize to live my life more. To pause and enjoy, inhale and exhale freely, to savour the moments, even the littlest of it. To find time for the things I love to do, amidst the busy schedule and lastly, to celebrate the existence of people who made this life more meaningful and worthwhile to me.

How can I choose to think of DEATH when the thought of being ALIVE appeals to me more? How can I be scared of death, when from the very start, we are all predestined to die? How can I be scared of DEATH when I have lived the LIFE, I always imagined? How can I be afraid of DEATH when God himself promised me eternal LIFE with him?

stammer

I think I can relate with this song.

I hope he gets the meaning... but if he doesn't well then,

Good luck to me!

The strength to say I love you is just so limited.

My knees get shaky, my tongue gets sticky, I seem to stammer, an uncontrollable stutter.

but I did tell you, I like you.

Didn't you know I had been sleepless just because I said that?

Why, because I am not accustomed to being verbal.

Geez, how much lucky can you be?

:)))))

delilah

Staying safe is nice. It makes you feel secure, makes you feel complete. It makes you see life as a gift readily available. It’s just so comfortable, so convenient to act within the set boundaries.

My friends told me, “why sacrifice? When you can come home anytime?” My answer is still the same… “Goal”

Sometime in one’s life, there’s this quench for adventure, a risky investment. Although, Life is giving me pleasant surprises, there’s still this drive to dream, to explore and discover. Why should I be bound by the limits set to me by my society? Why stay safe in a corner when I have the will to see the other side?

When I first decided to go after my dream, I was hurled by so many questions. Life was good, why immerse myself to unknown? What if I don’t make it? What if I will? What happens after? Can I take disappointment? Can I rewind? Few of the questions I dared myself to have a solid answer and yes, I just get a solid NO every time.

As far as being rational, there are more reasons to just stay. The world is giving me NO to every plan I dare conjure. But should I give a damn to what the world tells me? I have learned that great minds in ancient history are those people who are either neglected, criticized or discouraged by the society, yet they continued their journey and made it.

I can say that Signs, no matter how believable, are not objective. Of course, if I want something and ask for a sign then almost miraculously the sign appears, I’d say I’d go for it. But Signs are often misleading. Coins have two faces, so do signs.

For me, what matters is your heart. Rather than signs, discern. For it is in discernment that makes you hear what your heart truly beats. Pray. Prayer is an important factor in decisions. Sometimes, I am so caught up with my own brand of delusions that lead me to confusion, I pray, I talk to Him. He just knows best. He plans the greatest.

And how many times did I experience rejection? Quite a number really. Because every time I am rejected, it makes me think that God is preparing me for a better opportunity. I remembered I was accepted right after my first job interview, the owner told me to wait for the final call, as per formality and for me to sign the contract, then two mornings after, I received their call, telling me that they reach foreigner’s quota.

That particular moment, I felt like an untied balloon, hydrogen escaping slowly. But I remembered my prayer before the interview, if this is not for me, tell me early. God has his own ways. Always.

Which brings me to my point. Why sacrifice? Because this life has two faces. Sometimes, difficulties are tests to challenge us to do better. The hardships and trials are part of the spices of life. If I look at these as problems, I would be drowned by my misery, if I look at it as a challenge, it will drive me to be better, to be tougher and to be wiser.

I would like to be remembered as someone who braved it all. Someone who faced her fears no matter how shaky her feet are. I would like to be remembered as someone who gave it all, battle every beast, so even when I come home failing to kill the biggest of the beasts, I have every right to say that I did everything but I failed, to me, that is more victorious than being safe.

fab number 3

The bonding that I have with her is something more relaxed. Yun bang, parang nasa coffee shop lang, yung feeling of serenity while talking to her is very observable. She’s very calm and composed, never in my years of friendship with her na nakita ko sya in panic. Parang wala lang, even in Oral recitations.

That’s L. When we converse, it’s like I am thrown into a different dimension. Yung mga apprehensions ko nagvavanish kasi I know she understands me. Mapa seryosong usapan or mejo may kakornihan and pati greenish humor, madaling pumick up.

I regard her as someone whom I can trust kahit pa sa deepest secrets ko. I remembered on our way to Caticlan from Ilo ilo, we just spoke sa whole duration ng almost 5 hours trip. It’s just so comforting to know na may nakakarelate sa mga topic na isineshare ko. When I tell her, don’t spill, I am confident na she’ll just keep it within herself. Ganyan sya.

She’s someone whom I can easily talk to kahit gaano ka sensitive yung topic kasi feeling ko, less judgment. She just keeps mum and ask pag tapos ka na. She’s very very COURTEOUS. I always tease her to be pa-sweet pero in reality I know she is naman talaga, naiimpluwensyahan lang namin maybe to suppress it cause mga robot-like yung mga friends nyang maganda.

L is quite different than I am, kung gaano ako ka unpredictable, sya naman she less energetic pero may topak din, pag umandar ang excitement ibang klase din. I know she’s worth to keep!

easy

Try to be open but don’t be an easy prey.

“You’re tendency is that you want a man to chase you but that’s just it, you just let them chase. Did you get any of them? No?” My former lady boss told me.

I laughed so hard ‘cause I don’t know what to say. I am taken aback. And then I asked, “Why, what’s the best thing to do?” She laughed at me and told me, I am obviously a kid at heart. I don’t know how to react to certain things and though I look like a smug who seem to know everything, I am a beginner in the game of love.

How can I ever tell you that in my heart I have found a love deeper than what I saw? How can I ever tell you that once in my life, there’s this someone who meant the world to me? How can I ever tell you that I have fallen in love… in silence?

And although it has been a long time since I felt that alive, I have no doubts that I can love again. My idea of love is full of sacrifices; my idea of love is something that stands the test of time. My idea of love is what goes beyond the superficial. And apparently, I have not seen the perfect recipient yet.

Chasing after me is a test, and may be I am at fault in thinking that someday someone’s going to chase me until he’ll be able to stop me from running. Because after the chasing, I know the life he wants begins, I know I’d be calmer, what’s there to run when he was able to stop me? What’s there to hurry when he can wait? What’s there to spend my effort with running tirelessly when I am relaxed in my walking in the park together with him?

Being easy is never in my dictionary. Perhaps, by being “hard”, The thing I know I saved from loving someone in silence was nothing but my pride. Because at least in my misery, I was the only one who knew. But what if, I had that out and over with that person? Will my destiny be the same? So this time, when I do feel something for someone, point-blankly, I prefer to tell him by face. I have learned my lesson. My heart may be hurt and my ego being bruised, at least, I was not a coward. I dealt my feelings fairly with myself and with that person.

As for being open, I am open this way, not at my maximum but not in my minimum, it’s just right. For someone like me who gets disappointed easily, for someone like me who does not demand but enjoys surprises, for someone like me who says no but eventually gives in, for someone like me… I believe there’s someone who’s at par to be with me.

goodie guys

DOM…

As far as my notes are concerned, DOM stands for Dirty Old Man. Pero there is a gender equality issue there so, sige na nga, Dirty Old Matrona pwede din.

One of my closest friends told me, “I am so bwiseet with someone that I changed my phone number ‘cause he’s bugging me big time. In fact, he is harassing me” and I was like, what form of harassment? I got surprised she told me, “he’d text in the middle of the night with perverted messages!”

Kaloka ha! Quite more shocking is the fact that I know the guy and it’s a common knowledge that he’s married! (I even know his wife)

Geez! Ganyan na ba talaga ngayon? Where are the faithful guys? Those godly and decent men whose rationality goes beyond earthly desires?

Ang pangit na idea. I am single, and I’ve been saving myself for someone who’s true and makes no promises but pure acts of love and kindness and hearing all these makes me scared to fall in love even more.

What’s more disturbing is the fact that my close friend, is within herself, an established woman with looks and eherm, money to boot. And the guy is married, although with money too, but not as wealthy as my friend.

And get this, they are professionally acquainted only after quitting, the guy shows himself up, invites and sends nasty messages. Ano yun? Kaloka!

Where have the good guys been? Or are good guys only good in the beginning but eventually fades off??

super-facial

Change your friends…

(Let’s cut hypocrisy and try to be as real as possible, superficial as it may sound.)

So the possibility of having someone special depends on my friends? The possibility of knowing new people depends upon my choice of friends?

This is a rather funny thought. While it is true na we choose friends, it cannot account to a higher probability to gain a bf. Or so I thought.

Why change friends? No bigger reason than boys being intimidated when you’re with a young, active, independent and good-looking group of single ladies. Sabi pa ng isa, you know what, imagine yourselves…

You walk into a bar in a circle, then the guys would elbow each other, will stare at you and try to make an eye contact, but… your attention is chatting with your friends. Your attention is to having fun with the same group of girls over and over again, sa tingin mo, sino’ng lalake ang magkaka guts to move closer? Try to move singly. Try to be with a group na taken lahat except you, so you’ll be challenged.

Infairness, may point yung ale. Kung ako nga naman lalake, I won’t make pakipagsapalaran kasi baka mapahiya ako. When single ladies come together in groups, it’s a fact, nag oobserve, nagsusukat ng hotness level ng mga boys. Physically speaking, it’s an advantage na someone who comes up to you, is someone attractive kahit papaano. Pero the problem lies nga din sa fact na yung mga attractive guys don’t make an effort kasi sila din hinahabol ng mga babae (that is, if he’s not gay)

I am not discriminating. Wala akong karapatan, all I’m saying is that, girls rank, girls measure, girls talk about everything and anything. Sa ganitong aspeto, we can’t come clean na di tayo nag aadmire ng mga Pogi. Imposible to miss a good looking guy.

So ano ba yung point ko sa pagbablog nito? Aba e di ko din alam. All I know is that, while it is true na may mga naiintimidate nga, meron din naman sigurong someone na magkakalakas ng loob, probably would want to single you out so he comes directly to you.

Naku, this post might sound so desperate. Unang una, bakit ko pa pagkakaabalahn isipin ang mga ganito. Pangalawa, Seriously??!?! This isn’t blog worthy. But yun na nga, wala akong rules as to what to post.

Change my friends? Wrong. Change the schedule for group of friends, or better yet expose myself more at nang Makita from somewhere. hehe

PS this is just my mind saying something I cannot daresay by mouth.

fab number 2

Second person: Another breakthrough is J.

I guess meant to be talaga kami to be together. She’s the girl na isang tingin mo pa lang, high maintenance talaga, mahirap kaibiganin, nakakadyahe. From head to foot, classy. At first, you wouldn’t like to be hanging out with her kasi for someone like me, she’s just too maarte. Alam mo yung every detail ng suot nya, alam nya. Her burloloy is well chosen, her things, ewan ko lang kung di ka malula sa presyo kahit isang clip lang. Her choice of fashion is quite high sa mga katulad kong swerte na ang edgy na blouse yung suot.

But apart from her classy, fashionable appeal, she is with a mabuting kalooban. She’s also a giver. Di talaga nagdadamot. She offers you something kahit di mo hinihingi. She’s willing to listen kahit di sya magsalita sa whole duration ng topic and she’ll just say; “Grabe naman yun” That’s what makes being with her very challenging. Aside from her busy schedule nowadays, she’s also tahimik lang unless nakainom.

Tapos when it comes to making decisions na involved kami, she’s not really the type na aggressive at ipupush yung gusto nya, what I always hear: “kayo bahala or kung ano sa inyo, ok lang sa akin” especially on matters of FOOD. haha She’s maaalahanin and sweet (kahit tigasin) in her own way. She’s like an elder sister kasi naggigive in yan kung ano gusto ng nakararami. The best thing about her is her ability to camouflage. Nakakasakay, nakakasabit, nakakajoin, yung ganun, Basta, she’s very down to earth.

Kahit napipikon na yan, it won't last long. I don't know if she keeps it to herself basta when she's not in the mood, you will know. But even so, kinukulit ko pa rin sya, I am always teasing her, and ang ale, natututo na!

I'm so thankful to have her. She's a Gem!

fab number 1

While they say, tell me who your friends are, and I tell you who you are, I am glad to name or even shout their names.

Some call them: CRUSHES, some: PRETTY GIRLS but to me it’s just a simple: FABULOUS FRIENDS.

In trying times, you’ll find out who’ll stick with you. But in my case, they might be stuck with me as to lack of choice. Who can they call? Who can they be associated to? In Singapore, just a few, and that would be unnecessary without me. LOL . Anyway, I am thankful I have known them in this lifetime.

First person: A, she’s more like me. Same-same talaga kami when it comes to pananaw sa life. While I am leaning more sa aking pagka brutally honest, sya naman, if you won’t ask about her opinion, di nya sasabihin. Sometimes, I feel I speak too much, kaya tumatahimik nalang din ako sa mga opinions ko. We jive in together because we’re the same headstrong, driven individuals who enjoy freedom more than early compassion from early tweetums. Haha She’s very independent. She’s a bull in her own wit. She’s a make-it-happen girl who is confident with her own capabilities. I joked about throwing a party for her if she gets a bf! Why, I am so confident, no one can easily tame her.

But apart from that, I have known her more for being very kind and get this, very RELIABLE. Alam mo yung, she gives you this or that without being a sweety girl na we’re accustomed of kind people. Ang hirap iexplain. But let me try to put it in a word, di sya affectionate. Yung tipong, touchy, showy, expressive, the typical girly-girl. Hindi sya ganun, She’s more of the practical but concerned Samaritan.

And when you tell her to take charge, sya talaga yung gagawa ng responsibilities. I can remember almost all our trips domestic and international sya yung taga book, she knows it more than I do kasi kung gaano ako ka fickle minded, sya naman firm, sasabihin nya, “unsa man ter, go nani? Go nani ha!” haha

We complement each other. In my heart, I know I’ve found a best friend in her.

matured cat

OMG!

I am undeniably getting… OLD or perhaps, MATURED!

The signs are showing, too visible even I could not seem to understand. The reality of being a middle 20’s is that some things are quite necessarily changing. I don’t know if this is an embraceable truth or not, but seriously, do I have a choice?

The visible Signs:
1) I get irritated with myself for not sleeping earlier than 11pm! I am in constant chase to have at least 8 hours sleep. And being with nocturnal friends, I am very much different.
2) I am irritated that no matter how I wanted to sleep the whole morning on a weekend, I still wake up before 9am. I get back to sleep but I know I am just cheating, my mind is so alive; closing my eyes is just an excuse.
3) I am irritated when someone doesn’t come on a supposed time schedule. I have become very conscious of time, I hate being LATE!
4) I had a horrible dream about CANCER, I was shaken, so now I am trying my best to obtain nutrients from veggies ( although I eat selected veggies, now I am learning how to eat more)
5) I now complain. I now whine. I get impatient especially when I had to do the same thing over and over again  ( although I really hate when I do that)
6) I get irritated easily when I am talking and I am not being listened to. I have a short fuse on a person who doesn’t listen but demands attention whenever he/she speaks.
7) I super hate being lied upon. I have learned to be so honest that I know a lie when I hear one.
8) I get irritated when someone bosses me around. Politeness is a virtue. I need someone to say things to me courteously no matter how hurtful the words are.
9) I have learned to ignore most people’s opinions about me. They can say anything they want to, as long as I am not being stepped upon because that would lead me to…
10) I have learned to fight back, for whatever its worth, I just can’t stand bullies who knock people dead because they thinks those are easy preys.
11) I get excited in coming home after a day’s work, just lying in bed, watching a movie or two, simple joys of a single soul. I live for weekends, no hanky panky on weekdays (most of the time)

And finally,

I have learned to FALL IN LOVE! (LOL kidding! I really hope so anyway)

The diary

I guess he has an ego bigger than the great white shark. But yeah, what makes him more appealing to me is the fact that I am slightly chasing him. You know who we are, Aries people love adventure and the thrill of chasing. But that’s just about it, I won’t get down so low to achieve him.

***
No, I never felt like this before. The uncontrollable grin every time I think of him. And somehow, I regretted that I chickened out. I regretted that I haven’t given him much attention. That I felt like a high schooler who ran away enjoying the chase. That’s just so lame, and I realized it now.

***
I don’t know really know what’s with me but idealistic as it may sound, he might be the answer to my prayers. Few people know how I save myself up for someone who’s going to be my first and last. I wish and pray he’s worth it. I wish it would him.

***
No, the panicky feeling may be showing but I know and I am confident that when he comes, he comes. There’s no doubt as to his existence. I know he exists I just need to wait or yes, wait a little longer than most girls my age.

***
It is pretty normal to feel envious to your friends. Why, I am getting all the feeds filled with proposals and rings. Is it just my facebook or are they really serious with all these stuffs?

***
Evil as it may sound, I find comfort in knowing that most of my closest friends are SINGLE! Yeeey! :P

***
My parents and sissy are trying their best not to look excited when I meet someone new or when someone comments on my facebook with something. I know my folks are pretty much excited about my first. In fact, are they throwing me off the hook?

***
I might be in love with him, who knows, last time I checked, I’ve got no comparison!