deadly

Terrorist.

Sometimes talaga may mga taong kung mangterrorize sa iba, akala nila sila lang ang magaling. Minsan, sobrang nakaka sad lang kasi yung taong tineterrorize nila, hindi nalang umiimik para walalng gulo, walang problema. To maintain the harmony sa loob ng opisina.

I've been working my ass right after college graduation. Siguro, swerte lang talaga ako sa mga boss ko noon. Or maybe, kasi willing naman talaga akong matuto sa mga ins and outs of the business. Or maybe mas compassionate lang talaga sila compared sa kung ano at sino ang meron ako ngayon.

I am not saying naman na sobrang terorista ng mga colleagues ko now, but siguro nasanay lang akong di pinapakialaman sa mga tasks ko sa opisina. I work with minimum supervision. I work with autonomy. Ayaw ko yung may nakabantay sa likod ko habang ginagawa ko ang tungkulin ko, Una kasi, nakakaconscious, Pangalawa, if you believe in my potential you should know that I get things done as fast and accurate as possible.

Banking taught me that. Na dapat di nakocompromise ng speed ang accuracy at source. And most especially, na hindi nakocompromise ang integrity for something as shallow as the money.

Anyway, Yun nga, I hate na pinapakialaman ako. I hate being bossy and demanding. I hate that I am always bossed around, as if naman akala mo kung sinong magaling. I believe in courtesy. Kaya siguro ayaw na ayaw ko yung mga bossy is because nata touch yung ego ko. Nakakamenos ng pagkatao.

Aminado naman ako na I have this big bulge of ego going around my head. But as much as possible I am equally aminado na sensitive ako na I won't boss around. That’s why, I’m used to do my own thing kasi sinisikap ko kayanin ng mag isa than to ask help or worse, boss around to get things done. Super hate it! I did not study so hard just to kiss people’s asses. Ganun yung iniisip ko.

Kakainis lang din yung ginagawa kang stupid. Yung may magdare na bibilugin ka just to get what they want. How convenient nga naman for them, luring you into something, thinking you won’t know the real purpose. At sino naming niloko ng unggoy na yun? Ako?? (Oh come on! I won’t be called leader ng rugby girls 2000 for nothing!) Pero di nga, if you want to get what you want, get it by yourself; don’t use someone for your greater advantage. As if naman di ko ma knows yung real purpose. (You’re underestimating a former gang leader my dear!)

Sabi ko nga, as much as possible, I don’t really bark. I give in, I consider, I am an autonomous leader. I believe in liberty. But don’t cross the line. You won’t see me angry in an instant but that doesn’t mean I don’t get angry at all. I can be very mean and heartless if I want to. Lalo na pagsobra na. I don’t tolerate and allow people making me feel incapable and inferior.

Stop terrorizing people. Especially those people you feel like bullying kasi mahina or mas timid kesa sayo. Those very people might shock the hell out of you. You will never know. A cobra doesn’t hiss as much as an ordinary python, don’t provoke it. You might get what you’re asking for. And it’s gonna be deadly.

Gone

There goes the circle of life, someone has gone home. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this. I don’t think I’ll ever learn how to take goodbyes smoothly. Told you, I’m so bad at being left. It scares and pains me big time.



Anxiety Attack. I remembered, when in kindergarten, every time Mama sends me off to school, she’ll go with me up to my classroom. And every time I sat down, I didn’t want here to leave me. I am busy looking for her and every time I don’t see her, I go out of the classroom and yells out her name, if I found out, she already went home, I always end up crying my heart out.

I was that kid. That kid who got the loudest cry. That kid with Mama staying at school. When I think about it now, it was a rather funny. It’s as if I am being left to a desert with no one to be with. And looking at me now, I think I have come a long, long way from that same kid.

But I thought wrong. I have just grown up, years of experience taught me how to fight, how to survive, how to remain calm, how to appear strong even though my heart is breaking into pieces. But In me is that same kid enveloped by anxiety. Anxious of being left by, left out and left behind.



I hate it when people have to go and I’ve got nothing left to do but to wait for such a time that they actually say goodbye. I hate that I have to remain completely okay even though I am breaking down inside. I hate that I have to be happy for them by showing it even I’m feeling sad about the whole thing.

I guess I would never learn to really convince someone to stay because on the first sign of goodbye, I always end up telling them to go after what they want. I don’t think I ever learn how to make someone stay because I seem to convince them to go instead. Because for me, a decision such as leaving is a heavy one, and I am quite sure someone has to spent sleepless nights to finalize the said decision.

When someone shares that she’s going, I always end up asking when instead of why. I think that Life is too short to waste even a minute of it on things that make you sad, so if leaving is the only way to make someone happy, then I will gladly oblige to support her.

Seriously, I hope and pray that every decision I make myself, is something that’s meant to happen. If going seems to be so appealing and would make someone’s life happier, then so be it. Besides, what I feel is just a tip of the iceberg from what that someone is feeling every time she goes.

So sail on and good luck in your journey towards home!

Leonidas

Leonidas.

Siya ay isang Spartan King na sobrang bongga ang ability to duel. Yung fighting skills nya, ibang level. Nakakabilib kasi since bata, yun talaga yung pinaghuhusay nila, Military Skills.

I got hooked during the holidays, napanood ko sa History Channel yung about sa mga Spartans. Di ko na sight yung Movie na 300, kasi nga ayoko yung sobrang bloody na movie. Parang nakakadepress lang kasi the more ko naiisip na ang mga tao ay foolish, nagpapatayan para sa wala. So yun nga, since wala naming work for three days, nascan ko sa tv yung about kay Leonidas at sa mga Spartans in general.


The Spartan elders play a key role to the society, kasi di lang sila yung parang congress na nagsesession to make a law, sila din yung may say if ang isang new born baby boy ay “fit” sa kanilang society. Like if ever man na yung anak mo ay may disability, tinatapon nila sa parang basurahan and is left to die. Kasi yung baby, does not belong to his parents, or not fit to live para sa sarili but for the state. O diba bonggang cruelty?


Di lang din Spartan boys ang with great power and strength, pati din yung Spartan mothers. Sinesend nila yung boys nila at 7 years old to a training. Yun yung training na parang 10 years ata yung duration, military combat talaga yung sinasanay. At 7, ang mga batang ito, tinuturuan na maging matapang at able talaga to fight. They are gathered and meron silang official na nagtetrain. Isang Spartan adult na magaling sa combat. They fought among themselves. Kahit mga bata, no holds bar, if istrangle, strangle the enemy to death. Kid power.

They are also encouraged to fight against their trainor. Like if they’re being hit to the core, they should fight back. Sinisipa, Jinojombag, strangled, and nilalatigo ng bonggels, no holds bar ang adult, dapat makaligtas ang bagets. Sociologists believe na dysfunctional yung society ng Spartans, but Spartans strongly believe na each one of them are for the state. Iaalay mo ang buhay mo para sa victory nito.

When these kids reach teenage years, mas nagiging rigid yung training, yung patayan kung patayan. Di pwedeng lalamya lamya. Yung final test nila, bibigyan sila ng task, parang bahay lang ni kuya, kelangan successful talaga sa mission or else, alam na kung ano ang mangyayari. Leonidas’ test was to strangle a slave to death. Basta dapat mapatay nya talaga at nagtagumpay naman sya. By then, pwede na syang isabak sa bakbakan at panlulupig, pangkoconquer ng colony. Again, yung role ng Spartan mothers, isesend off yung anak with the shield na sobrang laki. Yung shield na yun may ibig sabihin, it’s either you use your shield towards being victorious or gagamitin ang shield sayo para matransport ang dead body mo pauwi.

Imagine mo yun? Yung mga mommies ng Sparta, tanggap na nila kung anuman ang kapalaran ng mga warrior na anak. They believe in tough love. Na the only way to survive is to fight. Even them, they know military combat techniques. Di basta basta ang mga Spartan bebot, Fierce!

Minsan, nakausap ni Leonidas ang oracle, kasi pinapatulong sya ng isang bayan against sa fight nito with Persia, at sabi ng oracle, dapat may isasakripisyong someone para sa triumph ng Sparta. Akala ni leonidas siya yun, pinag isipan nyang mabuti, hanggang sa nakadecide ang lolo mo na tumuloy sa giyera. Nagselect sya ng 300 finest men, lahat yun skilled at experienced, (besides sa lahat yun fabulous ang body). Sabi nya, willing syang isakripisyo ang sarili para sa progress ng Sparta. Ibang klase. Sa mga combat nya, sya yung kataas taasang leader na nasa unahan ng linya sa giyera. Alam mo yung, kung ikaw ang kalaban, alam na alam mo kung sino yung unang tatargetin at matatagpuan lang din sya hindi sa hulihan o sa gitna ng batallion kundi sa frontline. Kakabilib.

Nafafascinate ako sa type of mindset na meron sila. Lalo na talaga sa mothers, Sobrang sakripisyo para sa state na pati anak mo, dapat talaga ibigay. Hay, naisip ko, Thank God! Salamat talaga at di ako nabuhay nung panahon nila, gustuhin ko man na magkaroon ng kahit konti sa kanilang prominent nose, dashing looks plus a body to die for and extreme strength, di ko type mabuhay sa giyera.

Pero di nga, may point is, sa modern day na kinasadlakan natin, di na uso yung itataya ang buhay talaga sa pakikidigma kung pwede namang makuha sa diplomasya. Yung atin lang, sana maadapt natin yung pagmamahal sa bayan na meron sila.

Kahit sana di magbuwis or isend ng sobrang rigid military combat ang ating mga punongbayan, Sana naman, yung pagmamahal sa bayan through pagiging honest at matapat sa tungkulin, yun nalang. Di na sana maging corrupt at oportunista. Mukhang imposible pero malay naman natin, may reporma, may pagbabago para sa ikabubuti ng marami. at progress ng state. yung totoo.

Sana. Sana lang. Kahit yung work ethics lang ni lolo Leonidas :)))

Mansion

You already.

I was watching Kris TV last night, at fineature yung bahay ni Kim Chiu. Grabe. Sobrang ganda, malawak at bongga.


Naman! Naisip ko 21 lang si Kim Chiu, yung iba buong retirement fee na for 25 to 45 years na nga, di talaga maafford yung ganun. Ang iba nga kahit isang bag dun na nakadisplay di pa rin umaabot equivalent to a retirement. Kaloka.

Sometimes, nakakainggit lang. At a young age, may ganun na property na. Bakit nga ba di ko nalang pinursue yung pag aartista? Kahit ba bold, papatulan ko na (kung mangangarap lang naman). Pero di nga, sobra sobra kasi yung pera pag ganun, ang laki ng bahay, ang laki ng maintenance.

Which brings me sa topic na napag usapan naming kagabi ng housemate ko. What I liked about the house is the high celing plus yung stairs na kahoy na small steps lang na di nakakapagod umakyat. Yung iba dun, gaano man kaganda, di ko na type.

Financial-wise, ang hirap imaintain ng malaking bahay. Kuryente pa lang nun monthly, work hardest talaga kasi di biro yung bills plus kukuha ka pa ng househelp talaga. Di pwedeng wala kasi sa laki nun, lupaypay ka sa paglilinis. Tapos to maintain the grand appeal, may kaakibat na costs yun, sa glass windows pa lang, wipe wipe ka ng glass cleaner, ilang windows yun? Tapos yung paint, di pwedeng di irerepaint kahit every 5years. Yung tiles, tuklap ang isa, papalitan agad. Same with the pool, unless resort ka at may income dun.

Kung iisipin, you need to earn a lot to suffice the costs. Eh pag artista ka, di ka naman always sikat, dumarating talaga sa puntong lie low. Paano na?

If ever man na ako ay may perang kagaya kay Kim, I would rather have a smaller house. Although appealing ang super big house, I would anticipate na habang tumatagal, maraming naiincur na gastos. Ewan ko lang, in my opinion, a super big house is a bad investment unless I am into real estate business.

Yung ibabayad ko sa maintenance ng bahay pwede kong idagdag sa capital ko sa business which doubles or triples in no time, depending on the feasibility of the business. I am not against mansions but siguro if sobra sobra na yung pera pwedeng ganun, but if lahat ng ipon mo, pinundar mo sa isang napakalaking bahay, not so good. It dilapidates e.

Pero yun nga, di naman ako si Kim Chiu. Wala din akong ganung pera. So hanggang pangarap nalang muna yung high ceiling at wooden –small-step-stairs ko.

Financial-wise, Save save save sa 2012 baka magkamilagro at matulad kay Kim Chiu! hehe

Note to self

Attached.

My greatest challenge in this whole journey is to be complete as it is. To have a sense of security from within. To be self- sufficient. To be independent.

Very strong words that involve a lot of SELF. Na realize kong In order to conquer this quest. I must develop a sense of confidence na kaya ko kahit ako lang mag isa. Ang nangyayari kasi, I get to be attached with someone na parang na depend na sa kanya yung happiness ko. Mali yun. Maling gameplan pag ganito yung lifestyle.

When living and working abroad, dapat talaga yung SELF buo as it is. Yung secure sya na kahit anung mangyari, every single cell in the body is well. Every detail ng personality intact. Every minute part of the mind and heart andun. Di pwedeng nakasalalay sa iba. Di pwedeng maging maligaya kasi may kasama. Dapat kahit nag-iisa, Masaya.

Narealize kong when you get so close with someone tapos always kayong magkasama, it builds a certain pact na di din madaling kalimutan, masasanay ka sa presence nya and most often than not, mas at ease ka pag anjan sya. Good thing naman yun diba? Kasi no man is an island. But for the likes of me, ang hirap pag dumarating sa stage na aalis na sya at kelangan mong mag let go.

Let go kasi wala kang choice. Buhay nya yun, may buhay ka din. Let go kasi dun sya Masaya. Let go kasi a good friend supports kung anuman ang decision ng isa. Let go kasi letting go is a learning experience for you too.

But guess what, ayoko na ako yung naiiwan or iniiwanan. Matagal akong makarecover. Mahirap ipagpatuloy kung hanggang saan. Basta, ang sad lang. Pero siguro yun na nga, through this experience, gaano man kahirap, always ipinaaalala sa atin na life goes on. That everything happens for a reason. Ganun.


So gaano man kabigat, that’s just how it is. It’s part of the challenge. To develop a self na di nakadepende sa iba, na parang bangkang pilit paring lumalaban gaano kaharsh ang waves at kaheavy ng rain at hangin.

Note to self: Be strong, keep calm and for the go! :))))

wish

As much as I miss home and going home seems to be a very tempting and fulfilling idea… I cannot.

For some reasons, I find it very SOON. Very bitin. Besides, nafeel ko na I should grab this chance to know myself better. Ambilis ng panahon, I will soon be MIA at home for six months, that’s half a year, 182 and a half days. Parang sobrang radical at life changing ng mga nangyari sa life ko.

To be honest, never kong naimagine na ganito pala kabigat yung decision na ginawa ko. Along with my career change is my change of address and everything followed, my lifestyle, my routine. Lahat. Even myself, I feel na na change ako.



Kung dati parang passive lang, now I feel I am more expressive. I feel na mas naopen ako to reality. If there is something I wish for myself, yun yung ultimate confidence sana. Yung I can be more of myself, I can express my feelings, I get to be connected to other people and less insecurities. To care less about other people’s opinion and thoughts. Masyado lang sensitive to the point of always considering them before myself. Mejo sablay ako sa aspect na yan ng life ko.






I wish na mas maging true ako sa sarili ko. Kung ano yung gusto kong sabihin, sana di ko isinusuppress. Most of the time, I just keep quiet kahit nagagalit ako. I feel I am condoning bad deeds just by being silent. Siguro kasi, I don’t want trouble. I always run away from it, okay naman yung ganun but as much as possible, stand for what you believe as right. If masama yung loob ko, I always keep it to myself kasi naiisip ko, di na importanteng malaman nung recipient na nagagalit ako sa kanya ‘cause it will just pass.



Which is mali diba? Mali kasi naiipon. Mali kasi ako ang palaging lugi. Mali kasi di magtatanda yung nakasakit ng damdamin ko. Mali kasi feeling nya okay lang sa akin yun. Mali kasi nagkaroon na ako ng sakit sa puso ng dahil sa mga sama ng loob na kinikeep ko lang.

For one thing, I don’t hold grudges. But once you do me wrong, I will not forget it. Mahirap makalimot. Di ko nakakalimutan. Like nung grade five ako, I always have this shirt na like na like ko, favourite ko kasi si Big Bird ng Sesame street. Nung time na yun, may activity kami sa school and we were about to enter the audio-visual room. Then may nakasabay ako, schoolmate kong lalake, He made a remark, “balik balik imung tshirt”. Wow men! Napahiya ako. I kept silent and bow my head, immediately went inside the room while He was laughing.

That schoolmate, di ko nalimutan. We went to the same High School. Weird talaga, everytime nakikita ko sya, yung Tshirt incident ko yung nareremember ko. I wished I fought back. I wished I told him na yung tshirt nyang printed with GI BOY na may lalakeng nakakacap printed sa likod was also pabalik balik. Wala eh. Di ko na nasabi. I was speechless. Napahiya ako. But then again, I kept silent. I did not give him a good fight. Kasi, duwag? Or Ayaw ko ng gulo? Di ko alam. But masakit sa akin yun.

Parang lahat ng away na kinasangkutan ko, ako yung talo. Kasi nga di naman ako nang aaway, I’ll just bow down and run away from it. Sabin g fighter sissy ko, Mali daw yun. Mali na always nalang akong magconsider muna sa kanila, kasi naman, when I go home tearful, sinasabi kong, masakit ang ipin ko.

Then hanggang sa mapaamin akong inaway nga ako, ang alibi ko naman, baka kasi may problema lang or bad mood kaya ako yung nabuhusan. But my sissy will always react. Mali yun. I should fight daw. I just don’t. Sana nga matuto akong magsalita din pag inaapi. Pag ako kasi ang involved, I keep silent. Pag family ko, yun na, doon na yung walong dragon ni Recca lumalabas.

Minsan, I became difficult. Very memorable yun kasi first time, I lashed out vocally. But more so kasi I was pushed to the limit. Imagine, that was my turn to have my graduation picture taken, then there’s this group of friends who wants to make singit. Kasi 3 of them qued first, ipasabay nalang daw yung iba. My sister was fuming mad and told me na nauubos na patience nya. Unfair daw. Sabi ko naman, sige nalang. We’ll just wait for my turn. But when I learned na 11 ang isisingit kasi nag group picture sila before me. I felt na nagging dragon ako literally. I didn’t know where my English remarks came from. My sissy just found me standing in the counter and lashed out the personnel. Shocked yung sissy ko but I was more surprised I had the ability.




Masama yung nagawa ko, I felt sorry after. Kasi I feel for the personnel. I worked for the service industry and ayaw na ayaw ko yung reklamo ng mga clients. I always feel dumb and incompetent if I am being lashed out. But then again, my limit din kasi ang pananahimik. Clap clap. Sabi ng sister ko, first time!

Kasi as much as possible, I don’t really want to be involved. I don’t want telling people on what they should do or if they make mistake, be mad to them vocally. I feel kasi na when you make mistake, you do know you made one. Di sa tinotolerate ko yung bad act, but I believe you will feel remorseful after so there’s no need for me to remind you na mali yun. Nakaka add ng insult to injury. Why? Kasi ganun ako. I do not want people reminding me sa mga mistakes ko. Why focus on the bad when you can appreciate naman good things? Sabi pa nga, Make millions of good and one bad, the good will be forgotten at nafofocus sa bad. Kaya as much as possible I try to focus on the good.


But kahit ano pa man, I really wish na mas makastand up ako for myself and for my feelings. Sana by staying here, I get to develop that trait. Sana.

Peace tsong!

Naiinis ako.

Di sa nega ha. Ganito kasi yun, ang mga tao may sinasabi, sineshare tungkol sa buhay nila. Kung ano man yun, kung ikaw ay isa sa mga lucky winners na makarinig na kwentong ito, makinig ka na lang. If di mo trip, sabihan mo ako, or ilayo mo sa topic at nang mafeel kong di ka nga interested. Madali akong kausap.

Ang ayaw ko lang kasi, is yung nag sishare ang ale tapos, buhos na buhos na ang emosyon, deep and insightful na yung sinasabi tungkol sa self nya, (tumutol ka kung gusto mo pero) wag mo namang ipamukha sa kanya na magkaiba talaga kayo. Na mali sya at ikaw ay tama. Hala! ikaw nalang kaya ang mag share? at ako'y makikinig nalang.

For example, If magsasabi sya na ganito yung na feel nya, let her be. Let her feel that way. If ikaw ang tagapakinig, wala kang karapatan na husgahan sya sa nafi feel nya. Better yet, shut up. Kung di mo trip at tutol na tutol ka, pwede mo namang sabihing “talaga?” “ahh” Di importanteng tumutol ka kasi after all, yung nafi feel nya, personal yun eh. Sya ang nakakafeel. Kebs mo ba?

Pangalawa, ayaw ko yung may comparison. For example, Sasabihin nya, “for me, I don’t like…blah blah” tapos ikaw biglang sabi "hindi kasi..blah blah" ay deng, di pwedeng icompare mo sa sarili mo, at tututol ka ng bongga. Kasi nga, may “for me” meaning, para sa kanya. Ikaw nalang mag-sya if tututol ka pa kahit may for me na. Wag kang joiner sa emotion nya kasi sa kanya yun, yung sayo, sayo lang din.



Pangatlo, if lucky winner ka na pinagsabihan nung emotion, there’s no need for you to broadcast it to the world kahit pa pa-joke. Set limitations kung anong pwedeng ishare sa buong mundo at kung ano ang para lang sa inyo. Para ano pa’t namili sya ng mga tao kung lahat pala eh makakaalam?

Pang apat, wag kang inggitera. Jealousy is the appreciation of other’s blessings rather than yours. Kung Masaya man ang isang tao wag mong hayaan ang sarili mong maging dahilan ng kanyang kalungkutan. Miserable ka man o hindi. Wag kang pumapel. Kung sasabihin nya sayong “hay salamat okay yung exam ko, nakacheat pako konti” sabay naughty smile. wag mong sabihing “bad ka! Or I don’t cheat e kasi bad yun” Very irritating. Di maganda yung sinabi nyang ginawa nya but she’s counting on you that you know her better than that. Na di sya cheater, just getting naughty to hype things up. Sometimes yung words kasi is just a test of your knowledge to the person. Di pwedeng itatranslate mo in plain context.

Lastly, wag kang umechos. Wag mong isali ang self mo as if ikaw na ang may alam sa lahat ng bagay. Wag kang gumawa ng scene na ikaw lang bida, or else, pumunta ka sa banyo, magkulong at kausapin ng bongga ang sarili. Malay mo, blockbuster ang life story mo sa mga sarili mo na matatagpuan as audience sa banyo.

Di ako high blood. Sumasakit lang ang puso ko kasi di ko masabi ng bongga ang litanya kong ito. Pero choks! 

basagan

Feel na feel ko na.

Sana naman next year meron na. Di naman sa ayoko na, nakakatakot lang kasi. Hanggang kelan? Wala nato sa plano. Ako’y lost in wilderness. I don’t know kung ano ang dala ni Haring Bukas pero sana naman magandang balita na.

Di sa desperado. Di din sa sabik na sabik. Pero naman, di din naman pwedeng wala talaga. Parang regalo lang yan e. Kahit di ka mag expect, alam mong meron talaga kahit singkong duling. Or di kaya libreng candy sa street habang ika’y naglalakad, di man made especially sayo yung candy at least meron kang natanggap. Wag nang choosy.

Ganito ang dilemma pag yun nalang ang kulang. Di na ako nagtataka kung bakit masungit si Miss Tapia. Di na din ako nagtataka kung bakit busangot ang kanyang mukha. Nagbi bitter bitteran. Bakit nga naman hindi? Eh kahit papano may itsura si Miss Tapia. Yung iba nga meron, sya pa kaya.

Minsan kasi nakakadepress isipin. Di naman sa zero ang mga kawal na umaaligid. Sadyang ang hirap lang talaga ng maintenance. Yung chuvah na kelangan mong iestablish. Wala sa libro. Nasa google pero puro tips lang, may steps di mo naman sure kung epektibo.

Hay buhay. Sabi pa nga, okay lang basta sampu sa mga kaibigan ay wala din. Damayan nato. Alam naman na darating kung darating parang ulan lang yan, di inaasahan pero kusang bumabagsak lalo na pag ika’y nakagetup. Haaay.

Di sa pre occupied. Wala lang. Feel na feel ko lang ishare. So sa mga makakabasa nito, wag ng magjudge. Di na kelangan yun. Kumbaga, share share lang naman to, walang basagan ng trip. Peace!

dougie

Flirt some.

Sabi ni Bro. Bo, tayong mga kababaihang single, kelangan daw talagang lumandi kahit papano. Kasi naman, ang mga lalake parang dolphins lang e, kelangan ng signal. Sabi nya send out the right signal. Di naman kelangang maghubad (seduction yan) or may pa labas labas pa ng dila (sexual connotation nato) habang kausap sya or from afar pag nagkahulihan ng tingin. Sapat na ang smile.

Sabi pa nga ng isang tweet, walang walang magandang babae sa malanding tanini. Tumpak! Kasi naman noh, pag magaganda nilalagay din ang sarili sa pedestal, parang sinasabing, “habulin mo ko, habulin mo ko” at di lang basta basta dapat ang humabol. Mali. Mali daw yun. Dapat be open. Walang diskriminasyon.

Sabi nga, talk to atleast 15 boys in a week. Not necessarily na landiin ng bongga, talk. Just converse. Kasi daw, dun mo malalaman kung ano ang gusto mo sa isang guy. The more ka daw mai expose sa guys, the more mo daw malalaman kung sino ang patok sayo at sino ang hindi. Wow parang manok lang naman or advertisement sa radio. Patok.

Infairness, andami kong natutunan sa libro nya. Ang problema, di ko alam paano iaapply. Mahirap. Mahirap bumaba sa tronong nakasanayan ko na. mahirap umislide pababa sa bundok kong may ulap ulap pa. Seryoso, paano ba?

Nagvolunteer ang officemate ko before, tuturuan daw akong mag flirting101, kaso natakot naman ako. Hardcore eh. Biglang naalarma naman ako, beginner’s level naman teh. Wag yung para akong timang, nagpapanic panic pa. kaloka!

Kaya ang ending, di ko nakeri. Back out ang drama ko. Kakatuwa. Super excited sila to teach me how to dougie, pero parang asong deprived, nabahag ang buntot. Atras agad. Pero ha, sa totoo lang, alam ko naman talagang instinct yun e, para ano pa’t nagging highest form of animalandia? Pero naman mas trip ko kasing maging Penguin. Alam mo yung, pag isa, isa lang talaga in this life time? Ganyan daw sila. Sana nga maging Penguin-like yung mga lalake.

Flirt some. Sa mga Aries na katulad ko, it is a common trait daw. Arians enjoy the chase and flirting is one of the famous methods. Pero teka, sa Zodiac ba katulad ng law? May Exemption to the rule? Kasi kung meron… parang.. ako yun!

Teach me how to dougie! Please? LOL

Sincerely,

Ikaw

Somebody asked me, Ano ba talaga gusto mo sa isang guy?

Hmnnn… Naghuhumiyaw ang aking puso, nakahandang bumulong ang aking bibig “Ikaw”… Pero syempre naman teh, maloloka ang mga tala, syempre may paisip isip pa akong nalalaman, sabi ko, “Guy as a friend or boyfriend?” sabi nya, “syempre yung lifetime partner” at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, muntik kong masabi, “ikaw nga”

Ang lola mo kelangan din naming maglitanya de ti, may pa pause pause pa kunwari, at nasabi ko nalang, syempre yung faithful. Di naman sa naloko na ako or whatever pero first things first, I would like someone who’s loyal to me. Di yung makakita lang ng ibang mas maganda or mas sexy, wala, kakaripas agad ng takbo at parang asong susunod dun sa babae. Che! I’ve seen men who are like that. Kahit kasama yung gf, Makita lang ako, nakaturn agad ng head. Taray.

Di nga, I know naman di yan sukatan ng faithfulness diba? Pero naman! Pwede ba, guys wag masyadong pahalata. Pangalawa kong sinabi, dependable. Lifetime partner diba? Di basta bastang bf bf lang para may matawag na Bf perse. Syempre naman, yung katuwang ko sa lahat ng bagay. Yung alam kong I won’t be left out sa ere. Yung kaya akong iprovide at soon mga junakis namin (in far future). At syempre I like handyman. I am in love with one. Sya yung nakapantalon, ako yung nakapalda, alangan naman ako yung mag aayos ng bubong? Kahit pa can afford kunwari si future LP, still plus points pag may alam kahit near to basic carpentry nalang. Not necessarily karpintero yung makakatuluyan ko syempre!

Pangatlo, I would like someone na makakausap ko. Sabi ni Mareng Winnie, once you reach the age of 50 or kahit late 40s, wala na masyadong amor and sex. It’s about going to bed, kahit dark na at may konting light, wala nang energy ang body. Sabi pa nga, the mind is willing but the body is weak, so I would love to have someone na enjoyable kausap. Yun bang kahit ano, kahit weird pa yung topic, napag uusapan over a pint of ice cream in bed? Yun bang after work, you just cuddle while watching tv and exchanging insights? Ganun. Perfect yun. Mas meaningful, mas sweet. I’d die for a relationship like that.

Sabi ni boy, ano pa? five yung hinihingi kong qualities. Sabi ko, so far, yun lang muna. Mag iisip pa ako sa dalawa. Ang hirap sagutin e, kelangan talaga honest ako kung anong gusto ko. Kung magiging sobrang honest lang talaga ako, sasabihin ko sayong, di na ako naghahanap ng limang katangiang yun kasi…


Tanggap na tanggap na kita kahit anupaman! LOL

girl

Gurl!

Yan ang tawag ko sa kanya. Pa bagets lang, parang magkaedad lang. Minsan nakakainis ako pa yung mas matanda tingnan. How cruel can this life be? LOL

So, planning to come here is a complete disapproval sa kanya. Kesyo, Why would I need this “being independent” for? That my life will be changed and I might get disappointed big time daw. She even told me she doesn’t like me when I am very disappointed kasi nawawala daw yung zest ko. She told me may maganda na akong trabaho and my future is bright kahit nasa Davao lang ako.

Pero the usual me, Stubborn and ambitious, achievement- hungry, did not mind what she said. I told here, “it’s now or never” meron pa akong mga “to grow and make myself better na churvah”, my greatest argument was that I needed sometime to reflect on what I want in my life and having this chance, it’s really up for me to grab.

Apparently, di lang naman ito yung arguments naming. Madami pa. If nasa bahay, para kaming tiglilimang armalite with amplifier instead of silencer sa body. Super chatty. Debate kahit ano but still we always have a common end. To compromise.

Then recently, Girl told me, “Hay Labli (Lovely), umuwi ka na lang ditto, it won’t matter, you can have a job here. Try sales. Sayang ka. If you want to develop yourself, you can develop it naman here. You apply na. I want you here. With all these calamities going in and about everywhere, di natin alam kung anung mangyayari, it’s better that we’re here together.”

Wow. What a speech from my former famous (artista sa Dabaw way back 90s) sissy. I find it funny but at the same time comforting. Nag iisa lang talaga ang sister ko nay un. Nag iisa kasi dalawa lang kami. Pero di nga, I really appreciate that she’s always behind me, she’s got my back sa lahat ng mga milestones ko sa buhay. Kahit naman kasi tutol sya or in utter disgust sa ibang trip ko sa buhay, she’ll just let me be. She’ll just there to mouth me and in the end, give in to my baked plans. Iba eh, kahit ayaw nya pa, basta gusto ko yun na yun.

My sissy is the ultimate fighter. Parang street fighter lang, yung power nya ang taas. If meron ako vivid memories ng aking childhood most of it, kasali talaga sya. Akalain mo, it has always been me who’ll just hide or run away in a fight and she has always been that one person na pag uuwi akong luhaan, she’ll not just tell you, “sige lang, pabayaan mo nalang” she’s always “unsa man, sulongon nako na sya? Ha?” haha funny but that’s what she is. Walang inuurungan. Kahit pa High School teacher ko. LOL

So nung andito na ako, kakamiss lang. Everytime I talk about my sister, I always have this smile na almost got me teary-eyed. I don’t know. I’m becoming emotional pag family kasi. Siguro kasi now ko talaga narerealize the value of family. Now ko narereflect how fortunate I am to belong to such a family and to have a wonderful and outrageous sissy. Deserving ba ako to have them?

Now that I have a nephew. I am quite sure of how protective I am of him. Just like my ate of me. If there’s one thing na I am ultimately proud of, yun yung family ko and my relationship with them, most especially with what I have with my sister.

Maybe the reason why I call her Gurl is because; she embodies a super girl to me. She’s my best girl friend, my can-you-believe-it-twin… Soul. : )))))))

Finally

Eh kasi naman…


Bata. Young. Kid. Child.

I think I just found myself a new inspiration. Pag nakikita ko sya nawawala ang pagod, ang mga problema,, ang bigat, ang sakit, ang sama ng loob, ang sama ng tiyan at iba pang mga nega sa buhay ko. Picture pa lang, iba yung positivity na nararadiate.

Just a smile. Totoo pala yung kanta ni Barbie Almalbis. Smile pa lang nakakabuhay. Parang may bagong umaga naghihintay na puno ng pag-asa at kagandahan. Para siyang sunshine after the rain, di lang rainbow kasi konti lang naman ang nakakaaninag ng rainbow from a far. Sunshine kasi wide yung coverage.

Parang morning dew na mamasa masa pa sa mga bulaklak on a very cool weather. Parang jazz in a dim-lit room while sipping some wine. Parang bonus na kusang nacredit sa ATM mo kahit sa pagkakaalam mo’y wala naming bonus sa panig mo. Parang Christmas song sa mga malls. Parang Iphone4s na napanalunan mo sa raffle. Parang mana na kusang ibinigay sayo ng amo mong elderly at ikaw ung nagninurse.

Alam mo yung ganung feeling? Kung isa man sa mga nabanggit ko ang naexperience mo, alam kong alam mo ang ibig kong ipahiwatig. Eto kasi yung feeling na di mo nacocontrol. Feeling na di napepredict at feeling na hindi napaplano, di napaghahandaan. Eto yung feeling na masarap. Feeling na nagkokompleto sa buhay mo no matter how incomplete you felt like before.

Finally, He has arrived in my life. He has given me meaning. He has given me more than he can imagine. Everyday is a brand new day ‘cause I have a reason to wake up and feel the sun, the breeze and even the noise would feel like a melody to my ears.

Thank you, Babe! :)))))))

christmases

Christmas is already here. Four days? Wow. So fast.

This Christmas is very memorable. This is my first Christmas away from home and with my heart left in Davao. Who would’ve thought that 2011 is this mixed and radical?

I just had this all for the adventure, quite frankly, something that is quite temporary. You know, when the youth in you feels a lot more adventurous and almost rebellious. Not that I am deprived of freedom. It’s the nature of the early twenties I guess. I first thought about two months break after resigning from work… will have fun, try new things, enrol myself to new hobbies. Learn how to drive. And when I get tired, I’ll seek a job of my liking. Boom!

After almost two months of this unknown adventure, I got myself a job and everything was life changing. I have to live self- sufficiently. I do things my way, I cook, I do the laundry, I clean, I think of my tomorrows, pre occupied with what to cook, when to do the laundry, stocks in the fridge, groceries.

Seriously, I never really imagined of it this way. Although I did my Pros and Cons back home, planning thoroughly for this new adventure, it still does not suffice the everyday routine that I have to conquer. But then again, I thank God for this chance. I will never know how independent I am if not for this chance. I am grateful that I am exposed to this experience as it made me realize the value of the essentials in my life.


Who would’ve thought it’s this lonely? Who would’ve thought it’s this difficult? Who would’ve thought it’s this challenging? But who would’ve thought first sweldo is sweet? That language barrier is bothersome but funny? That culture is dynamic? That I can buy new clothes without converting to peso? LOL


But as I celebrate Christmas in this foreign land with this funny foreign emotion, I would take this opportunity to thank all the people who have made this adventure possible. Christmas when I was younger is far more superficial so Christmas at this age, is more of the deep, insightful and personal appreciation of the things and people I have in my life.

Christmas this year is truly different from my previous Christmases back home. Nonetheless, Christmas is always God in my heart.

Merry Christmas! 


With love from Singapura,