uncalled for

“I think I will have a lovelife na.”

My close friend messaged me one day.

I did not like my initial reaction…

It’s that feeling when a stranger jokes and you need to laugh to be polite?
It’s that feeling when you wanted that last pc of nugget but your friend grabbed it first and of course you have to pretend that you’re okay and to never mind and just eat it?
It’s that feeling when you grabbed that shirt and thought about buying it then someone grabbed the same shirt only to find out that it’s at a discounted price?

I can’t put a proper way of expressing why I feel the way I do.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for others. Finding love, your person--- is one in a million.

However, I’d be honest to say that there’s an unwarranted pang of pain creeping in my heart with these types of news.

I hate myself when I feel this way. It’s like taunting me to be anxious and self-conscious.

It’s the scent of jealousy, an uncalled for emotion.

I might be jealous because I have never felt something so intense, enough to get me to be in a relationship.
I feel so jealous that it comes so easy to most.
I feel jealous that others are given the chance, to savor it and live with it.
It’s an ordinary feat to most, but not for me.

On one hand, I acknowledge that love is fated. Each one of us has this invisible connection to someone who is meant for us, and whether it presents itself as time goes by or by that instant we see that someone, time can only tell.

Love is a wonderful thing and it brings so much joy and inspiration to people.
I keep on pushing myself to never look for it because it will come when the time is right.
I keep on reminding myself to love myself more because someday, my person will come and he too, have lived his life to his own accord.

Love gives us power so much that it can either make us or break us.
I want to maintain my cool by thinking that the kind of love that I deserve is not much like the others because mine is something that I waited for so long. I’d like to think that Love is a custom-made thing that perfectly works according to personality.

I shall wait for that love.

With fidelity.


No matter what.

PS sorry about this post, this is far UNCALLED for.

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